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If you are a pregnant Mama’s husband, partner, or other loving support person, read this post to learn your role in bringing this precious life into the world! This post will give you lots of tips on how you can support your partner in pregnancy. Use this as a guide for all stages of pregnancy and labor. You will be fully prepared to be the best support person you can be! Let’s jump in!

Be sure to check out this post on “How To Support Your Partner In Labor” next!

The Best ways to support your partner during pregnancy

I love this analogy in the book “Husband-Coached Childbirth,” by Robert A. Bradley. He poses the question to the supportive partner: “Imagine that someone offers you one billion dollars if you convince your wife to complete a marathon run.. what would you do?” I’m guessing you would do your best to convince her that she can do it, and you would do whatever you could to help her complete this task, right? Now, we can apply the same mindset to how you can help your partner prepare for labor during pregnancy. You can encourage, support, and coach her along this beautiful process of growing life to ensure she is ready on race day!

Here’s what you can do:

1. Know and Believe that you are the best person for the job

You love your partner more than anyone else in that delivery room! And you love your baby just the same! You two created this baby together, so there is no one else better for the job of supporting her as she brings this life into the world. You are capable and equipped to help her birth this baby. She wants you there by her side more than anyone else.

2. Help her to be well nourished every day

Feed her well, allow her extra rest, and reduce stress while she grows this precious babe. She will need to snack throughout the day. Having lots of fresh fruit available in the home can help her feel refreshed and prevent nausea and light-headedness throughout the day. If she wants something sweet that isn’t fruit, honey is the best option for a surgery snack. Make her some healthy energy balls with peanut butter and honey as an energizing snack.

Protein is important, and she should make sure not to go to bed hungry. Eating small amounts of food throughout the day, even before bed, can help her feel well throughout the day.

She needs to buy prenatal vitamins every month, and it’s important to get ones that will provide all of the necessary nutrients for her and her baby. This may mean they are a little more expensive than others. (I personally take this vitamin that has 5-MTHF, the active form of folic acid for the case of folate deficiency, which can lead to neural tube defects (spina bifida)). It also has Omega-3 DHA, which is nice not to have to take a separate supplement for this. There are so many different kids of prenatal vitamins, so I’m sure she will find the best one for her.

Adequate hydration is also important for lots of reasons. One reason is to prevent constipation. Eating sufficient fiber is also important throughout pregnancy. You don’t want her to be constipated going into labor.

3. Allow her to rest when she is tired

If you have other children, be willing to take on more duties at home to allow her the time and space to do regular exercise and get a little extra rest. She will inevitably be more tired and fatigue more quickly with some of her regular activities. She is okay to continue doing activities that she loves but keep in mind that she won’t last as long as she did before she was pregnant. Remind her to listen to her body and rest when she needs to.

4. Get familiar with the different stages of labor

To be the most successful in your desire to be a helpful partner during labor, it is imperative to know and understand a bit of labor and be able to recognize and understand the changes that happen to her during these phases. This will allow you to recognize what stage she is likely in, and you will be able to utilize different tools for the various stages. It is also good to know that labor can last a long time, especially if this is Mama’s first time in labor.

The stages of labor are listed in this post here.

5. Get familiar with normal pregnancy-related changes:

• Hungrier- Help her prepare nourishing meals and snacks to keep ahead of her hunger!
• More tired and needing more sleep
• Possibly more moody, sensitive, and irritable
  • Take note of this and take the high road if any arguments occur
  • Laugh with her and not at her during pregnancy
  • Understand that she may have highs and lows
• She may or may not like sex during pregnancy.. don’t get offended
• She may have a sudden sharp pain in the lower right abdomen (or the left) with certain movements or activities.
  • These are likely caused by the round ligament causing a muscle spasm there
• She could experience constipation in early pregnancy
• It is normal to some degree of swelling in the ankles and distension of the veins in the legs
  • Encourage her to do the exercises listed below and get off her feet as she can.
• Her veins will be larger and bluer as her pregnancy progresses
• She may have pressure in her chest or heart palpitations during pregnancy. This is normal.
• Numbness and tingling in the hands can also be normal.

6. Remind her of posture awareness and exercises

Throughout pregnancy, she can do exercises that will optimize the baby’s position in the womb and make labor easier and faster.

7. Help her practice relaxation and breathing during pregnancy

Practice makes perfect, even when it comes to relaxing. Just as we need to practice for performance in so many other aspects of life, the same applies to labor. Unfortunately, labor and birth are not so straightforward that our bodies just know what to do and do it. One of the biggest keys to a successful natural birth is learning to relax during the contractions. Relaxation of the body allows the uterus to do its job in moving the baby down and putting pressure on the cervix to dilate and eventually push the baby through the birth canal. Any tension in the body works against this and causes labor to be longer and less enjoyable. This requires full-body relaxation, just as when one learns to float on their back in water.

You can help her practice relaxing throughout her pregnancy. Give this a try:

1. Have your partner lie in a comfortable position, preferably on the left side, with the top leg propped on a pillow. (An alternate position is to be slightly reclined on the couch or bed).
2. Tell her to close her eyes.
3. Now, guide her in relaxing her whole body from the top down. Tell her to relax her forehead, eyelids, facial muscles, jaw, neck, shoulders, arm muscles, chest, back, abdomen, hips, thighs, legs, and feet. You can also lightly stroke these areas with your fingertips as you instruct her to relax.
4. Do this in a calm and quiet voice.

8. Learn about and describe her “Happy Place”

Ask her to describe her happiest places or memories to you and hold onto them so you can use them to help her go to that place during labor. You can also practice this throughout pregnancy.

Give this a try:

1. Have your partner lie in a comfortable position, preferably on the left side, with the top leg propped on a pillow. (An alternate position is to be slightly reclined on the couch or bed).
2. Tell her to close her eyes.
3. Now, in a calm and quiet voice, describe her “happy place” and tell her to breathe and relax as much as she can.
4. You can try different scenarios and ask her to give you feedback.
5. Be receptive to this feedback, and try not to get offended when she gives you some! The goal is to learn about her and learn if this could be helpful during her contractions.

9. Do an ice-holding activity together daily

Try this fun and effective activity together:

Ice Holding Trial #1

Don’t think of any of the relaxation techniques mentioned in this post during this trial.

1. Grab a timer. 
2. Grab an ice cube and hold it in your hand
3. Start your timer
4. Think about the ice cube.. how cold it is, how your hand feels with the ice in it, etc.
5. Stop when you can no longer stand holding the ice in your palm

How did you do? How long did you hold it? Did you find it hard or easy? When I first did this exercise, I found it very uncomfortable to hold the ice. All I could think about was when I could stop holding the ice! Needless to say, I wasn’t able to hold it very long.

Ice Holding Trial #2

During this trial, practice the relaxation techniques discussed in this post. Read through each step below before participating in trial #2.

1. Grab an ice cube and hold it in your hand
2. Start your timer
3. This time, don’t think about the ice.
4. Instead, focus on your breathing:
   • Breathe slowly in through your nose and exhale slowly out through your mouth.
5. Imagine you are in your “happy place.” Focus on the smells, the sights, the sounds, what you love about it, and the people there with you.
6. Stop when you can no longer stand holding the ice in your palm.

Were you able to hold the ice longer during trial #2? If you were, great job! You were zoning in on your breathing and getting into the scene of your “happy place.” If not, don’t give up! Try again with the help of your partner. Have your partner try different ways of helping you relax. For example, they could describe your happy place to you, read comforting words, affirm you, massage you, or whatever you think may help!

10. Uterosacral Ligament Massage

This is a great way to bond with and care for your pregnant partner. Each night before bed, after she does her pelvic rocking exercise, have her get into the side-lying “runners pose” position and gently massage her lower back. Use some lotion to allow your hand to glide firmly in the curve of her lower back.

11. Learn and practice counter-pressure techniques

You can learn some counter-pressure techniques that can help with some of the discomfort of contractions. Keep in mind that every woman is different, and some may not need or want any of these techniques during labor.

The Mighty Mama Movement and the Built To Birth courses provide guidance on these techniques.

12. Observe her deep sleeping position

During the later stages of her pregnancy, try to watch her when she is in a deep sleep. What position is she lying in? How does she have her arms? Does she have a pillow between her legs? Is her head elevated with a pillow? Keep this position in mind and help her recreate this position in her early labor for total relaxation.

13. Call the hospital ahead of time

It could be wise to inquire about the necessary paperwork that will need to be read and signed upon admission to the hospital. Call ahead of time and ask for this paperwork to be sent to you so that you can read it already and have it signed quickly upon admission, so you don’t have to take precious time away from focusing on your wife.

14. Encourage her in her body changes

From the moment of conception, her body is changing. She will have breast changes, and her belly will grow. Encourage her in all of the changes that this is good and her body is growing a new life. It is spectacular. It is inevitable that her body will feel and look different than she has known it her whole life. Bodily changes in pregnancy are a beautiful aspect of becoming a mother.

15. Help to prepare a birth plan

This document can be helpful for some of the decisions you will make during labor and when the baby is born. Researching certain topics and preparing a document describing your birth plan and desires for Mama and Baby is good. You can bring this with you to the hospital and give it to the nursing staff for reference.

Grab a birth plan template here.

16. Know where the hospital bag is so you can grab it quickly

It’s likely that your partner will prepare the hospital bag with clothes for herself and the new baby. This is part of “nesting,” as Mama is getting excited to bring this new baby home. You can see what is in the bag, making sure she has a couple of snacks prepared in case she needs sustenance during her labor. Know where this bag is so that you can grab it and throw it in the car on the way to the hospital.

Things to add to the hospital bag:

1. Snacks
2. Hydrating drink
3. Chapstick (her mouth may get dry from breathing)
4. Copy of the birth plan.
5. Aromatherapy essentials
   • Essential Oil Diffuser
   • Frankincense Essential Oil
   • Clarry Sage Essential Oil
   • Lavender, Lemon, Peppermint Essential Oil Kit

17. Install the car seat

It would be best to start preparing in the last few weeks of pregnancy, as Baby could surprise you and come earlier than expected! Install the car seat, so you don’t have to worry about this while Mama is in labor, and you are trying to support her and possibly transport her to a medical facility at some point. This is obviously only important if you are not planning to have a home birth, but either way, it’s good to have the car seat in so that you can enjoy time with Mama and baby without this task needing to be done in those sweet newborn days.

18. Take her on dates

Keep the love alive! Creating intimacy and connection in those months and weeks leading up to Baby is so good. This connection and trust will be so important during labor.

19. Help prepare the “nest”

As your partner progresses in pregnancy, she will want to “nest.” She will want to deep clean the house, purge unused items, and prepare a sweet nursery for the baby. Help her do this, and express interest, even if you don’t see the value in this. She is excited to bring a new family member home and wants to create the perfect space. Yes, she may buy a few unnecessary items, but just let her (within reason). She only gets this special time of moving from maidenhood to motherhood once in life.

The Stages of Labor

There are three stages of labor:

First stage

• Early labor through active labor and transition
• Early Labor
  • Mama’s cervix is dilating to 6 cm
  • Contractions can be inconsistent in frequency, intensity, and duration
  • It is best for her to have a very private, darkened, quiet, peaceful space throughout this phase.
  • This is a great time to stay home and help your partner find a comfortable position to manage her breathing and relaxation, allowing the uterus to contract and pressure the cervix to dilate.
  • Often, labor starts in the night. She will be up throughout the night as she manages these contractions. In this part of labor, she may be really chatty at the beginning, talking to you and making conversation between contractions, but as her labor progresses, she will become more and more focused and much less talkative.
  • Allow her to guide the amount of talking she wants to do. When you notice her being quiet and focused between contractions, allow her to stay there.
  • It would be best to only whisper soft encouragements like, “You’re doing great” or “We will be meeting our baby soon.” She needs to know that her labor is not in vain!
• Active Labor
  • The cervix has dilated to 6 cm and now progressing to 10 cm
  • This is likely when Mama would be checked into the hospital or birthing center.
  • Contractions are much more intense now. They will be longer in duration, stronger, and closer together.
• Transition
  • The cervix is dilating from 8 cm to 10 cm.
  • This is the most difficult and intense part of labor before the pushing phase begins.
  • This is usually when Mama will ask if she should get an epidural.

Second Stage

• Pushing Phase
  • The cervix is fully dilated to 10 cm.
  • The baby’s head begins to move out of the cervix and into the vagina (or birth canal).
  • There is often a reflex called the fetal ejaculation reflex when the body pushes without Mama even trying. It’s like she can’t not push!
  • This phase is just as difficult as the transition phase, but Mama can now participate by pushing the baby out.

My favorite resources for preparing to support your partner in pregnancy

1. Husband-Coached Child Birth by Robert A. Bradley
2. Built To Birth Course by Bridget Teyler
3. Mighty Mama Movement Course

Medical Disclaimer

This is not intended to replace medical advice. This blog post is for informational purposes only. Please consult with your medical provider about your care.

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Check out this post on how to support your partner in labor next!